Dating After Divorce – My Journey to Finding Connection Again
By: Lisa M.
Onward Member
Dating after divorce can be a whirlwind of awkward first dates, nervous swiping on dating apps, and learning how to navigate a new life chapter. My experience was no exception—it was filled with moments of vulnerability, self-discovery, and hope.
Starting Over
It took me about a year after my divorce to feel ready to dip my toes back into the dating pool. At first, I wasn’t even sure where to begin. The idea of dating again after years of marriage felt foreign, overwhelming, and a little intimidating. I was no longer the person I was in my twenties, (um, or thirties!), and the dating world had evolved significantly since then.
I realized quickly that if I wanted to meet new people, I needed to be intentional about it. Relying on chance encounters wasn’t going to cut it, and I didn’t want to sit around waiting for life to happen to me.
So, I took a deep breath and made a list of attributes that mattered to me. It wasn’t just about surface-level qualities like appearance or hobbies—it was about values, compatibility, and how I wanted to feel in a relationship.
Leaning on Friends
One of my first steps was to reach out to my friends. I was deliberate about asking them to think of people they could set me up with. At first, this felt awkward. I wasn’t used to asking for help in such a personal area of my life. But my friends knew me well—they had seen me at both my best and worst. If anyone could help me find someone compatible, it was them.
The surprising thing? They were eager to help. Once I let them know I was open to dating, they started brainstorming and making introductions. It became a collaborative effort, and their enthusiasm helped me feel less alone in the process.
Manifesting My Ideal Partner
As I ventured back into dating, I realized I needed clarity about what I was looking for. During my marriage, I hadn’t been intentional about defining the qualities I valued most in a partner. This time, I was determined to learn from the past and take a different approach.
So, I took a deep breath and made a list of attributes that mattered to me. It wasn’t just about surface-level qualities like appearance or hobbies—it was about values, compatibility, and how I wanted to feel in a relationship. I envisioned someone who was kind, emotionally intelligent, and shared my outlook on life.
Creating that list was cathartic. It gave me direction and helped me stay grounded during moments when I felt like I may be settling for less.