Divorce and Grief: A Bumpy & Necessary Process
Divorce is often likened to grief—it involves losing a relationship, a shared future, and, sometimes, even a sense of self. The grieving process during and after a divorce can feel particularly intense, as it encompasses the loss of a partner, the ideal of what a family “should” be, and the dissolution of dreams and expectations.
Here’s what to keep in mind about grief during a divorce:
1. Grief is Normal
Grieving during and after a divorce is a natural and healthy response. You’re processing the end of a significant relationship and major life changes. Feelings like sadness, anger, confusion, fear, relief, or guilt are all normal. Give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment.
2. Everyone Grieves Differently
There’s no “right” way to grieve. Each person’s experience of divorce is unique. Some may feel relief or even excitement, while others feel devastated. Comparing your journey to others isn’t helpful; your feelings are valid. The only “wrong” way to grieve is to suppress or ignore it. Burying emotions that need to be addressed can have lasting negative impact.
3. Grief is Not Linear
Grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. You may feel sadness one day, relief the next, and then anger all over again. While the “stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) offer a framework, the process is rarely orderly. Onward’s Phases of Grief provide a more nuanced roadmap to help you navigate this journey.
4. Physical Symptoms Are Common
The emotional toll of grief can show up physically—fatigue, headaches, stomach issues, trouble sleeping, or changes in appetite. These are normal but important to address. Pay attention to your body and practice self-care as you heal.
5. Grief May Resurface
Even after you feel like you’ve made progress, waves of grief can still arise—triggered by anniversaries, holidays, or seeing your ex. These moments aren’t setbacks; they’re part of the healing process. Be gentle with yourself when they occur.
6. Let Go of What You Can’t Control
Divorce can bring feelings of powerlessness, especially in contentious situations. Focus on what you can control: your responses, your self-care, and the steps you take to rebuild. Letting go of what’s beyond your influence can help you regain a sense of balance.
7. There’s No Timeline for Healing
Healing from divorce doesn’t happen on a set schedule. For some, the process may feel quicker; for others, it takes longer. Don’t pressure yourself to “move on” before you’re ready. Sit with your emotions, seek support, and take the time you need to fully process your grief.
8. Seek Support
Therapists, support groups, and trusted friends or family can be invaluable. Having a safe space to express your emotions and receive guidance can make the journey less isolating. Knowing you’re not alone can provide comfort and strength.
9. Prioritize Mental Health
Divorce can be emotionally draining. To protect your mental health, consider activities like regular exercise, creative outlets, mindfulness, or therapy. These practices can help you process emotions and regain stability.
10. Rebuild at Your Own Pace
Healing includes redefining yourself and building a new life. Rediscover passions, focus on personal growth, and set new goals. Take the time you need to create a future that aligns with your values and aspirations.
11. Children and Family Members May Grieve, Too
If you have children, remember they may grieve in their own ways based on their age and understanding of the situation. Support their emotional needs while managing your own. Reassure them of your love and remind them that the divorce isn’t their fault.
12. Be Open to Growth
Grief, though painful, can also bring growth. Divorce offers a chance to confront hidden or unresolved parts of your life and reevaluate your values and priorities. Many emerge from the process stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
Grieving during a divorce is a process that requires self-compassion and patience. Healing is possible, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Remember, you don’t have to face it alone. At Onward, we offer tools, resources, and support to guide you through this transformative journey.