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Relationship Reflection and Renewal Exercise

No matter where you are in the divorce journey, self-reflection can feel challenging—but the insights gained make the effort worthwhile. This exercise is designed to help you explore the patterns and dynamics you brought to your relationship. It encourages you to examine why you may be drawn to certain partners or situations that echo familiar challenges or lessons.

Whether you use this opportunity to reflect, release emotions, or find closure, the process can be deeply rewarding. With time and distance—ideally after a relationship or marriage has ended—you can look back with clarity, recognizing both your strengths and areas for growth. The outcome? A foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

What you need to do this exercise: Peace and quiet, paper and pen or a computer and a boatload of self-compassion.

The following steps will guide you through a comprehensive self-inventory to better understand the dynamics and impact of your past relationships.

Step 1

List all the positives about the relationship.

Step 1

Step 2

List the positive qualities of your ex.

Step 2

Step 3

List 5 special things that your ex did for you.

Step 3

Step 4

List things your friends and family liked about your ex.

Step 4

Step 5

List what you liked about your ex, but that your friends and family didn’t.

Step 5

Step 6

List all the negatives about the relationship.

Step 6

Step 7

List the not-so-good qualities of your ex.

Step 7

Step 8

List the positive qualities about him/her that turned into negative qualities.

Step 8

Step 9

Think back to the beginning of the relationship and make a list of early warning signs.

Step 9

Step 10

Write down the 5 most hurtful incidents in the relationship (hurtful to you).

Step 10

Step 11

Write down the actions or choices you feel could have been handled differently, focusing on your own perspective rather than what others may have told you.

Step 11

Step 12

Write down incidents in the relationship that stem from your own issues.

Step 12

Step 13

Write down any significant statement(s) you’d have liked to say to your ex.

Step 13

Step 14

List what you’re forgiving your ex for doing/saying (do this for yourself, not for your ex).

Step 14

Step 15

Write a letter to your ex with whatever you wish to express (you won’t send this letter).

Step 15

We hope you find this exercise therapeutic and educational, offering valuable insights into relationship patterns and personal dynamics. 

It can stand alone as a self-reflective tool or be further explored in depth through therapy or personal healing

Lex’s Lane

Here are some additional resources I found helpful:

How to Move on From a Big Breakup

When a romantic relationship ends, you can feel depressed, resentful, and uncertain about your ability to get over it. Susan J. Elliott reveals how to heal your heart and move on.

Getting Past Your Break Up, by Susan Elliott

Susan J. Elliott

When you’re navigating the end of a long-term relationship, the sense of loss can feel overwhelming (I’ve been there!). Instead of simply bypassing the tough emotions, channel your experiences into personal growth while moving onward.

In this book summary, discover strategies for rediscovering hope, building resilience, and crafting a vision for your best life post-breakup. It’s not just about healing—it’s about thriving in your next chapter (and there will be a thriving next chapter).

Buy Now

Disclaimer: Information found on Onward.Life, and in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, financial, or tax advice. For guidance on your specific situation, please consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or tax professional.

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